Where art thou?

I never thought of myself as the main character in my life. I was the girl on the side lines, at the precipice of love stories but never fully immersing myself in it. Just a drop here and there from the edge of the cup; yearning for more, only to drown and die and be reborn in this fine dark wine we fondly call love.

It was always easier for me to identify myself as the person looking in on a relationship but never quite in it, the uninvited third person; a voyeur and a masochist who relished in the slow pain of situationships.

Being in a love story was unimaginable, I could be the person yearning for Romeo’s love as he toyed with me, while he lived and breathed Juliet’s name. I decided to detest intense, passionate, glorified love stories for this reason. Scoffing at big romantic gestures while secretly wishing it would happen to me.

Unrequited love is a heavy burden to carry, yet the most unnoticeable one. It is easy to disappear into the shadows, to be a wallflower wanting something more, always wanting. The love ballads were senseless, who would want to want me, the same way I wanted them, I wondered.

My heart longed to be loved, only to be flung and destroyed and people wondered why I chose darkness and shadows. Despite all that, I kept trying and trying, there was still hope in me that someday I would become the Juliet to my Romeo, but what I failed to learn after each heartbreak and love triangles were, how I should have loved myself first.

As I learned this truth, I could feel the shadows in me dissipating and I could breathe again. I felt the weight of the world being lifted off me, as I embraced myself for who I am, I elevated my perceived notions of self-mediocrity to extraordinariness and more importantly, I tried to understand unconditional love.

Parts of me which I disliked, personality traits I wished to embody, talents I wish had; I let it all go. I accepted myself for the flawed person that I am. I decided to find happiness in the little things around me and take an effort to make myself happy by doing the things I love and enjoy. When I made myself content, I wanted to share that joy with the world and make people around me happy as well. I became kind to myself as well as to others.

I slowly learned to love myself without limitations and I extended this to the world around me without expectations of any kind. I put myself out there without inhibitions, as selflessly as possible. I found myself becoming a better person. There was nothing that I wanted in return and this mindset helped me overcome my need for love.

I am enough.

And the wonderful thing was, I opened myself up to being my own Juliet and eventually I found my own Romeo who had eyes for me alone.

Dedicating this to the Romeo I found; my husband

and my wonderful best friends,

my Snowflake and my Hun